Emotional

I've started to have some anxiety and feelings about going back to work next week. I really love my job and do look forward to getting into more of a routine. But I'm really conflicted because I've really just started to enjoy parenting and Lauren is just blossoming and changing so much. This anxiety is also bringing up feelings of missing the excitement just before having her - finding out we were pregnant, exited to find out so many friends were pregnant too, feeling her move inside me, the anticipation of being off of work with her for 12 weeks, not knowing what to expect but so excited to meet her. As I was rocking her to sleep after nursing her tonight I also became a little sad realizing that she's already growing up so fast. I feel like it was just yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital and how at that time October felt like forever away. She weighed in at 12 pounds today at the breast feeding support group - such a big girl. It makes me happy knowing that, God willing, I'll get to have the experience of getting pregnant and having another baby in the future; but I also know that nothing will compare to the experience of having our first. I want Lauren to know how much I enjoyed learning about her growth and development week by week, watching my belly grow knowing it was her, feeling her move, the excitement of the upcoming due date, yes... the labor and delivery ( God helps us forget how uncomfortable it is), and holding her sweet newborn body against mine in the hospital the night she was born. Before I know it she's going to be a teenager and then a grown woman experiencing this for herself someday. I'm sure this won't be the last time these thoughts and feelings will come about, but for now it puts tears in my eyes. God has blessed both of us with great jobs, a healthy daughter, and willing family near us to take care of Lauren while we're at work. For tonight I'll let myself feel the mix of emotions knowing that they're normal and understand they'll continue to come and go.